ReTrO





Personal News

We are creeping towards the end of a manic year for me, from spending time running from Cornwall to Portsmouth, hoping to settle in Cornwall sooner rather than later, i have constantly been nudged back here.
Just as we had decided to push towards moving there, as we were trying for a baby and in a comfortable position, all was calm and we were smiling.... the mayhem struck once more...
In June this year my fella's autistic son Joseph moved in with us as his mother was not caring for him at all well and their relationship was breaking down.. this is a lot of extra work for both Chris and myself, but of course Chris was thrilled to have his son on a permanent basis and i was happy that Joseph was safe and happy, all good we thought...
Bombshell number two, Joseph was excluded from school as they felt he had 'outgrown' the school and needed to be in a full time residential school... which means we will have to move wherever Joseph is moved to so as to settle him and support him... it's looking like it's going to be Lincoln or Wales.... neither are Cornwall... and this news really does destroy me a touch. Lincoln is soo far up the country.. still... smile and soldier on.
I head off to a doctors appointment, just to check on the curious lack of baby in me, make sure everything is well and so forth.. And lo... it is not... i was (on almost the same day as all the other bad news) diagnosed with PCOS which means it will be incredibly hard to have a baby, if at all possible. Maybe practically this is a good thing, as i do understand we have a LOT going on, but as a woman i guess my body and my emotions are not coping so well... everyone i know seems to be falling pregnant or having babies or talking about friends or family having babies, and my genuine joy for them is always followed by a few tears and a stab in my solar plexus at the endless possibilities i will no doubt never know. I'm finding it harder still as Joseph is not my child, so i long for the connection he and Chris have.
I am getting there though, the process for schools is long and drawn out and it feels like a constant battle at times, many emotions, but i have Chris and he has me, and we are strong. I am thankful i learned to love myself and feel so strong before all this happened though for sure! I can only imagine how this would have affected me a few years back. Don't get me wrong, i have had some incredible lows during all this, and i really thank all my friends who have supported me with kind words and kept perspective for me (i hope you know who you are?!) when i have felt i was losing my way.
Ever positive though on the whole people.... humans are amazing, so resilient we can achieve and overcome so much. Live every day as if it were your last on earth... (yeah i'm a hippy lol)

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